Welcome to the Saint Kosmas Conference Question & Answer Panel Presentation on the topic of “Technology and Orthodoxy.”
We are honored to have with us as panelists today Fr. Josiah Trenham, Dr. Mark Tarpley, and Presbytera Ana Coman. Thank you for being with us today.
Moderator: The first question is how can we help teens transition into owning their own internet devices in a way that is safe for them? We are speaking now in the context of teens who have not had much exposure to unsupervised internet use, and how to help them move into the space of owning a device without being damaged by it in the process.
Fr. Josiah Trenham: I wish that the description that you just made of young teens who haven't been exposed was more common, because the exposure to these very powerful technologies, especially the smartphone, happens way too early. Before that it was television. When I bless houses each year, it's a grief to me to go into homes in which I find televisions in the kid's rooms. I just know what that means. And I know what it's going to mean. And televisions are pretty much out now, because we have smartphones which are small televisions. We need to make a conscientious decision on how to deal with them when they are turning thirteen or whatever age they will be given access to these devices.
Recently at a parish gathering for families, one of the young children there—ten or eleven years old—was asking the other children if they wanted to see pictures of people having sex. And this got back to me and we dealt with the situation right away. Presbytera actually dealt with the situation, which was a really nice way to do it… But this is from a beautiful, wonderful young girl—ten or eleven years old—whose parents were so naive, that they let her have a smartphone. And so she was just looking at people having sex on her phone, images that had been shown to her by someone else, and she was passing on this information to other young girls. This kind of example is very common. This is what will happen if children have phones early. And so the first thing we must do is to make sure that your description of the age at which we give our youth internet devices is maintained. For children under 13 — It’s just “No!” No ipads. No cell phones. No tv’s and screens in the bedrooms — for any kids who are under the age of thirteen. Just a whopping "No!"
Moderator: Thank you, Fr. Josiah. Dr. Mark, what would you advise in terms of helping teens transition into owning their own smart devices? How do you recommend helping them make that transition safely and responsibly?
Dr. Mark Tarpley: I agree with everything that Fr. Josiah said. Age thirteen and under certainly should not have a smartphone—but there are arguments for waiting until they are even older, depending on the situation. But I think one of the largest challenges for youth in this transition—and I think maybe this is mentioned in Sherry Turkle’s book [Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age], which is a book that's definitely worth everyone reading—but it's certainly been the case in my experience and in my conversations with youth that oftentimes the largest challenge for youth in this transition is their parents, and the way that their parents actually utilize the devices. The parents will say, "You can't do this; you shouldn't do this," but then the parents themselves do it. And I think we all know that type of parental modeling doesn't work very well, if at all, with children. So as we think about that transition into how they're going to manage online access as they get older—and certainly once they're a certain age they have to make their own decisions regardless of when you decide as a parent you're going to release the controls to them—I think an incredibly important step is that we model our expectations to our children as they are moving through those teenage years, because if we don't, then everything else can largely become futile. And so I think that's one consideration: Are we modeling our expectations?
And I think another consideration, in that same vein, is when you are talking with the children, ask them what the actual need is. When I am talking to parents on this conversation, a lot of times I’ll say, “Why does your child need a smart phone?” And they will say, “Well, I need to be able to communicate with them.” But there's a lot of ways to communicate with your children. What if they had a dumb phone? I mean, even then there are risks—as Fr. Josiah pointed out in his talk—but if they could text you and call you [on a dumb phone], what other modes of communication would you need? And then, a lot of times, the parents will say, if you push them, what it really sometimes comes down to is the peer element. There is tremendous peer pressure, because as I tried to communicate in my talk, the Church tries to pursue holiness and it finds meaningful ways to try to extricate sin out of our lives, right? Well, if you talk about a technology culture, it wants to extricate out, to push out, those who don't use it. It wants to disenfranchise them and move them away. If you’re a youth, that's very difficult. Because you can find yourself on the outside. For example, let's say you're at school and there's a school project going on. And all the kids are texting to communicate about the school project, but your child is exercised out due to the mode of communication. And then the child has to make a claim that, “Well, I can't communicate that way.” And then there's potential shunning. Or all of the kids are talking about what was on Instagram and your child isn’t in the conversation, right? So these are very complicated spaces. There are certainly spaces where we can strengthen our children in being able to say “no” to the world. Certainly, having them around like-minded children, as well, can be very helpful. Those are just a few thoughts on that question.
Moderator: Thank you, Dr. Tarpley. Presbytera Ana, can you give us a mother's perspective on how you think we can help teens make this transition safely?
Presv. Ana Coman: I don't know the answer to that. I don’t know how to say they can transition safely. I think the best we can do is to educate, and set limits and boundaries. We need to educate about what the devices actually do and the dangers involved, and then set limits. And we need to ask the right questions, as Dr. Mark was saying, "Why do you need this?" I think even for homeschooled kids that it is a difficult space, if everybody has the means to communicate this way and your child doesn't. But there's also something to be said for the fact that as Orthodox Christians we are called to be set apart from the world, and they are going to have that in every part of their lives if they are walking in the Orthodox Faith. If they're living their faith, they're going to have that. So, it's an opportunity for those kinds of discussions. But there's no magic formula—I don’t think—for when and where and how and why.
Moderator: Thank you! So then the follow-up question to that is: In regard to teenagers who already have their own internet devices and are using the smart phone too much or have addiction issues or have serious distraction issues, how do we help them reel that back in and gain better control of their use of their device and the internet?
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